But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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