Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Randomize