Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
