Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
