the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
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