someone get that fucking seahorse.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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