R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
