god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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