did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize