I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
