Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
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