I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
