Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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