Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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