their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
