I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize