can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
