I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
