I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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