Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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