this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
