Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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