You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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