the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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