You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize