These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
