she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
