It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
