i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He felt like a one man threesome
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
