Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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