I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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