I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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