sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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