can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
