and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
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