All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
