My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
