Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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