at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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