The maid of honor just puked.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize