obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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