he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
