Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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