Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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