I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize