i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
