The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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