whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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