Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
