How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
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