If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
