I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
