You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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