Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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