I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
