can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
