its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
