just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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