youre lurking in front of me
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
