and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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