I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
i would one night stand the shit outta him
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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