apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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