that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
