We tried having a conversation with our noses.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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