I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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