i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
