that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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