Best friends brother. Beat that.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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