My hand turned me down
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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