dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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