i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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