thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
