I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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