i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
