ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
