I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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