3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
