My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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