I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
