Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
