PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
