he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
