We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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