My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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