I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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