I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
