I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
