If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
