Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
