No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize