Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize