Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
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