i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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