you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I wish there were birth control emojis
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
