you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
