I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
It's rum buckets o'clock
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
