Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize