Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
