You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
