I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
