Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
