it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize