I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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