What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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