just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
