6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
