Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize